I, like I'm sure most of you, have uttered these shameless four words... I will be happy when... I will be happy when we finally get into school... when I can finally stay home with my boys... when I have this baby... when my baby sleeps through the night... when I lose five pounds... when we are done with school... when the weekend comes... when my house is clean... when I move to a bigger house... when I can afford__... and the list goes on. I think I have uttered this phrase too often to lately. In fact, it tends to sneak up on me and make me feel not so great about myself. Well, my thick skull just may be getting somewhere now... I am going to make a conscious effort to be happy now. today. tomorrow. everyday from now on. and yesterday too!
I guess it's not that I'm particularly unhappy now. It's more that I'm always looking forward to the future and not really savoring Right Now like I should. After all, I am 27 years old. This is my prime. When did I forget that? When is there ever going to be a better time than today or tomorrow or everyday after that?
The one exception to my lack of savoring is with my boys. I want to hit the pause button on the remote control with them ALL THE TIME and just take in what has happened, whether it be hilarious (like when Ike was pretending he was a real estate agent showing me around his room to see if I would buy it, even though he pretended he had just "created" the mocha paint on the wall... or when I peek around the corner to see Ike making Zach laugh hysterically)... or when I realize that I just got upset with little boy for doing something he shouldn't... like throwing an apple across the room where it SPLATTED on the tile floor. I love and cherish these moments like you wouldn't believe.
It is the rest of life that I find myself trying to move forward and look beyond. This, my friends, is not good. I guess I'm writing this post more to remind myself in the coming days and months, and even years, that I am going to be happy right now for this minute. I will be happy with who I am not who I will be when I have more time, or more money or more ambition. I think I'm, like you, constantly pushing myself to be more and that's ok. BUT, it's not ok to hold off on life until you are that person. It's always easier to see in other people, so let me use an outside example... I have a friend who just moved to a new town (this really isn't me... it just sounds similar:) really. My friend just moved into their first house (a great accomplishment) and she wants to make new friends. She has thought many times about inviting people over for a dinner party, but told me the other day... "I will do a get together, but right now I'm too embarrassed by our front door, so I'll wait 'til we paint it or get a new one, then I'll meet people and be happier here." Who are we kidding? Since when do our friends or future friends judge us by standards like a front door, or 5 extra pounds, or how tender our pot roast is or how well our furniture matches? What kind of friends would those be anyway? Today is the day to start off being happy and living my life (and you yours:) for who you are... accomplishing what YOU want and what you are INSPIRED to do... not because life is perfect and you finally have the time and energy or right color of front door, but because it is what you were meant to do and NO ONE can take your place.
I hope this makes a teeny bit of sense. I guess what I'm getting at is this. I'm going to be happy. Even if I'm not as buff as I'd like to be right now or even if the feng shui in my house does not flow as perfectly as I'd like or my hair does not have the body that it did last week. I'm going to try my best to look past all of my imperfections and BE HAPPY that this is my life. I sure don't want it to pass me by because you know what? It's pretty good:)
Is anyone else feeling me?
Amen, sister. I need this reminder all the time. And, funny, but you have been one to remind me of this even before this post. I am glad we have each other! And as much as I miss you and "can't wait until you come back", I think it is good for me to make other friends here. And I am loving life. Thanks. :)
ReplyDeleteAmen sister from me too! OH MY GOODNESS! YOU pinned ME! I am that girl who has moved into the new neighborhood and hasn't invited the neighbors over for dinner yet because my formal room still looks like an all purpose room! WOW, shame on me! And I know that I shouldn't think this way, I KNOW it already but guilty as charged!
ReplyDeleteI am sooooo changing my ways! Thanks for the reminder and wake-up call!