Not fair! That is the best description I have! My BABY just turned one! How did that happen so fast? I'm still not sure I'm used to have 3 children or having a GIRL! I haven't quite adjusted yet and it's been a year?!
It seems we are constantly reminded to enjoy every second with our children/while they're young/while we're in school/while we're young... etc. etc. etc. because it goes so quickly. I think I'm acutely aware of how quickly it goes and acutely aware of how much I need to enjoy it and so then I'm constantly wondering if I'm enjoying it enough and savoring these moments ENOUGH? I hope I do. I do so love each of these crazy moments.
And so maybe 'not fair' isn't quite accurate. All I know is that tonight after the hyper-pink lemonade cupcakes were put away, teeth were brushed, Reesie was measured on the height chart, and the official 1 year old picture in the wooden rocking chair that-will-someday-be-an-heirloom was taken, we took a minute to watch Reesie Roo's video of eating her cake, and then I couldn't help digging through iphoto for Zachary's video eating cake, and you guessed it, Isaac's too. The thought occurred to me... is this my life? How could my life have gone so quickly already? How did Reese turn one, Isaac just lost his second tooth and started piano lessons, and Zachary became the smartest human being alive? How did all that happen while I blinked?
And now I just feel grateful. Grateful for so many amazing little moments. Grateful I can share them all with Ben and these three little amazing people. Oh the love I feel for them feels like it will make my heart explode. That's a pretty good feeling.
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
On Being Nice...
1. A certain family (anonymous, of course) went to church a few weeks ago with their children. One of their little kiddos has a history of respiratory issues and was just getting over a cough. He had been at the doctor just on Friday, so the situation was under control. During the course of the first meeting, he got a tickle in his throat and had a tough time stopping the coughing, even with some little sips of water. After the meeting, some "well meaning" older woman (stranger) came up to us (ehhem, "them") and interrupted a conversation we were already engaged in to tell us the following, "Excuse me, this little boy has whooping cough. I know. I am a nurse. You need to take him to the urgent care immediately. If his chest starts heaving up and down, he will be in terrible trouble. And by the way, this is extremely, extremely contagious." To which I replied, "Thank you. Thank you Sooo much."
2. Another "certain mommy" took her kids to the store to get mucinex, as she felt like she was dying from a cold and her husband was out of town:) It was over 70 degrees outside and her little 10 month old had just kicked off her socks in the car, to which this incredible mommy thought, well, too bad, I'm not putting the socks back on. I'll just run into the store with the kiddos for 3 minutes and get back home before I die from this horrible sickness:) So, in the store along comes "helpful person #2" into her life... Another well meaning older woman who immediately states, "Ohh, what a beautiful little girl! Ohh, where are your socks, poor little girl. Ohh, how sad, she doesn't have any socks on her toes." (THIS scenario has played out on so many occasions I cannot count them anymore, but that doesn't make it sting any less:)
3. Ok, the other situations really aren't my personal situations, so I will publish them in broader terms... Mothers we know are ridiculed, as in the cases above, but also the source of the ridicule. I have seen mother against mother trying to figure out WHOSE KID spread that nasty stomach bug, WHO TOOK THEIR KID to the playgroup sick, WHO LET THEIR KID eat CHEETOS/didn't do their daughter's hair/you get the idea...
AND So.... It has occurred to me we need to BE NICE! That's it. I'm going to BE NICE from now on. I don't think I intentionally try to hurt others around me or demean other mothers, but I'm pretty sure none of the women in the above situations really intentionally meant to hurt the other mothers either. Truly though, why can't we just cut each other some SLACK :) Why can't we just assume that we each are trying our VERY BEST. Sometimes, we do a good job, and other times, we don't. For whatever reason, things just don't always work ideally... maybe we didn't realize how sick our child was, or maybe we didn't have the means to make ideal happen, OR maybe we tried our very best and our children still have their own WILLS and their own WAYS... Whatever the case may be, I want to remind myself to cut myself and everyone around me some slack. Assume the best. We're all trying our hardest. We're not trying to infect each other kids with the latest outbreak, or kill our own kids by not wearing socks, or make our kiddos eat only junk or a million other things... We're just trying our best, and truly, our best will be good enough, in spite of ourselves and everyone around us:)
Sunday, July 29, 2012
8 years
8 Years. I know I have written about this before, but here we are again. This week marks the due date of our first baby 8 years ago. Truly I cannot believe it has been 8 years. In so many ways, I still feel every little feeling from that day and the months, and years, that followed. Sometimes I feel like my sadness should've passed by now. It hasn't. Sure, I have the blessing of time, perspective, and family, but I will always be sad that sweet baby is not here. I think I will always be sad that I don't know this baby right now, and I don't know why. I guess someday I will. And for that, I am grateful.
Tragically, this year our experience and those feelings have been brought back to the surface as we have witnessed another sweet, sweet family very close to us experience a miscarriage. I remember the disappointment, the devastation, the questions, loneliness, wondering, IF, WHEN, What did we do (or not do)? WHY (why us, why now, why, why why)... I remember all of these things and a thousand and one other thoughts and feelings we had, but you know what I have realized recently? That is MY (and Ben's) experience. It does not compare to others. AND that's ok. I have always felt that at least if we had to go through this and be so devastated, AT LEAST we would be able to relate to others and *help??* others dealing with similar situations. Now I know that our experience is all our own. It is not the same. We all experience so differently. How unfair of me to assume that my ability to relate would equate with easing the burden of someone else's experience. I realize now that the best I can do is sympathize. It just is sad and disappointing and can be utterly devastating. AND as much as I want to, I can't make it better. I can't even make it hurt less. Oh, how I wish I could. I wish that all the pain and sadness we went through would mean others wouldn't have to. Alas, such is life.
Enough with my new found realization. On to more...
Because of these recent experiences, Ben and I have also had the chance to contemplate WHAT we learned, HOW we grew, and (could it be?) how we were BLESSED through tragedy... I feel like I need to document so that I will always remember and always keep my perspective.
*We feel like we grew so much as a couple. Before I miscarried, Ben and I plugged along in our own little worlds of work and school living and loving without *many* cares in the world. We were so in love. We were worried about how we would provide for and protect and properly nurture and care for this new little baby, but overall we were just head over heels in love with life and each other. Once I got so so so sick, for the first time in our married lives, I had to rely upon Ben. It was not cute, in fact, I was so sick the last couple of weeks of pregnancy (they didn't know why at the time, but later found out because of the partial molar pregnancy, my pregnancy hormones were 500 times that of a normal pregnant woman) that I had no ability to work, or really take care of my home or myself at all. I learned for the first time (as I think you only can through experience) just how dedicated and unconditionally loving and caring and worried Ben was. He helped me in every way. He prayed for me, and over me. He took care of everything and was an unwavering beacon to me as we trudged through the darkest days of our lives. I'm not sure there was any other way we could've grown so close. All of a sudden, we were devastated, but we were driven.
*We were given a sudden dose of reality, appreciation for the goodness of life, and the fragility too. As young 20 somethings, we were so idealistic. Everything was fine in life and somehow "worked out." After witnessing the fragile mortality of my life and that of our unborn child, I think we both learned not to take anything for granted. I didn't immediately miscarry. My water broke after throwing up so violently one night. So, when we went to the emergency room, I was still pregnant. Our baby was still alive. As we watched in the ultrasound room, our baby's heart was still beating. Our baby was moving around. AND we knew there was no medical way that things could end well. Our baby was not developed enough to survive, due to the partial molar part of the pregnancy. Basically, the mole had taken vital nutrients from our baby and prevented baby from developing appropriately. This was at 18 weeks. Nothing has ever broken my heart as that did. Even 8 years later, I can remember distinctly the blanket of horrifying sadness knowing what was coming to our sweet, innocent baby. Oh, that is a day I never want to relive. But, you know what? Ben and I learned how incredibly precious life is: everyday, everyone. What a blessing a healthy baby is!
*We learned exactly what we wanted. All of a sudden everything was incredibly clear. Before we lost our baby, I knew I wanted to be a mother. I always wanted to be a mother. I just had a huge idea of what I could do and wanted to do. I wanted to do everything, and Ben wanted me to too. This is very personal and very specific to Ben and I, but the minute I started thinking outside of my grief, I knew all I really wanted, ever, was to be a mother; to raise a family and be by my husband's side forever. All of my professional, educational accomplishments fell to the side at that moment. They truly meant very little compared to the opportunity of being a mother. We knew at that very moment beyond a shadow of a doubt that our singular goal was to have a family and raise them up to the Lord, to do His will. Everything else suddenly became a means to that end.
*We learned personal sadness, embarrassment, shame. It seemed like no one got it right. People were sad for us for a few days (outside of our close family) and that was that. Life for them went on, as it does. For us though, we were the ones the sad thing happened to. Then we became the sad couple that couldn't have babies. Some judged us for being married without kids for so long, others tried their best to explain explain explain. Explain my medical history to everyone and anyone. Explain our devastation and try to make it better. There were so many kind words, some mistaken kindness, and some insensitive things said. There were many, many tears some in public, most in private. Ben learned how to deal with that too... especially on Mothers' day and after baby blessings. And so we learned to deal with feeling bad, being patient with ourselves, our sadness, and others' insensitivity or misunderstanding.
*We learned about patience and timing. I learned that sometimes it just doesn't happen. Even when we were living our best and trying our hardest, it just was not Heavenly Fathers' will for us at that time. We have had to apply this life lesson to so many things that have come since then, but I first learned it, or truly experienced it, here. Tragically miscarrying our first baby and then not being able to get pregnant for 3 years, was difficult. I spent the entire 3 years pleading for the opportunity to be a mother. I worried the whole time that perhaps I never would get that chance. I wondered if I had done something wrong. Was I being punished? Were we not good enough? It sure seemed that way. I looked at everyone else as having the perfect life. In the end, I truly do believe there were life lessons we needed to learn this way, there were places we needed to go, things we needed to do that could not have happened any other way. It was certainly not our plan, but I do not regret this difficult path either, but I won't lie, I'm still sad...
I apologize for this gush. My heart was just so full. I know that my Father in Heaven loves me and our first sweet little baby (and all of us). I know without a doubt that He loves us incredibly, unfailingly, and beyond anything we can imagine. One reason I know that, is because He allowed us the opportunity to struggle. He knew the anguish of our hearts and yet He knew exactly what we needed to gain from that experience. Only a truly loving parent could do that. He knows our hearts all the of the time. He was with us in our darkest times in that hospital room, and every time someone thought unkind things about us and every time I came trudging home so enveloped in sadness after church or wherever we were. He put people and blessings and learning experiences in our lives to lead us to where we are today, to be the parents, the couple, the eternal family we are today. We certainly are not perfect, but I want to say we really are grateful. Grateful for our blessings and grateful for all of our trials. I know someday we will understand. We will know why and it will all be ok.
Tragically, this year our experience and those feelings have been brought back to the surface as we have witnessed another sweet, sweet family very close to us experience a miscarriage. I remember the disappointment, the devastation, the questions, loneliness, wondering, IF, WHEN, What did we do (or not do)? WHY (why us, why now, why, why why)... I remember all of these things and a thousand and one other thoughts and feelings we had, but you know what I have realized recently? That is MY (and Ben's) experience. It does not compare to others. AND that's ok. I have always felt that at least if we had to go through this and be so devastated, AT LEAST we would be able to relate to others and *help??* others dealing with similar situations. Now I know that our experience is all our own. It is not the same. We all experience so differently. How unfair of me to assume that my ability to relate would equate with easing the burden of someone else's experience. I realize now that the best I can do is sympathize. It just is sad and disappointing and can be utterly devastating. AND as much as I want to, I can't make it better. I can't even make it hurt less. Oh, how I wish I could. I wish that all the pain and sadness we went through would mean others wouldn't have to. Alas, such is life.
Enough with my new found realization. On to more...
Because of these recent experiences, Ben and I have also had the chance to contemplate WHAT we learned, HOW we grew, and (could it be?) how we were BLESSED through tragedy... I feel like I need to document so that I will always remember and always keep my perspective.
*We feel like we grew so much as a couple. Before I miscarried, Ben and I plugged along in our own little worlds of work and school living and loving without *many* cares in the world. We were so in love. We were worried about how we would provide for and protect and properly nurture and care for this new little baby, but overall we were just head over heels in love with life and each other. Once I got so so so sick, for the first time in our married lives, I had to rely upon Ben. It was not cute, in fact, I was so sick the last couple of weeks of pregnancy (they didn't know why at the time, but later found out because of the partial molar pregnancy, my pregnancy hormones were 500 times that of a normal pregnant woman) that I had no ability to work, or really take care of my home or myself at all. I learned for the first time (as I think you only can through experience) just how dedicated and unconditionally loving and caring and worried Ben was. He helped me in every way. He prayed for me, and over me. He took care of everything and was an unwavering beacon to me as we trudged through the darkest days of our lives. I'm not sure there was any other way we could've grown so close. All of a sudden, we were devastated, but we were driven.
*We were given a sudden dose of reality, appreciation for the goodness of life, and the fragility too. As young 20 somethings, we were so idealistic. Everything was fine in life and somehow "worked out." After witnessing the fragile mortality of my life and that of our unborn child, I think we both learned not to take anything for granted. I didn't immediately miscarry. My water broke after throwing up so violently one night. So, when we went to the emergency room, I was still pregnant. Our baby was still alive. As we watched in the ultrasound room, our baby's heart was still beating. Our baby was moving around. AND we knew there was no medical way that things could end well. Our baby was not developed enough to survive, due to the partial molar part of the pregnancy. Basically, the mole had taken vital nutrients from our baby and prevented baby from developing appropriately. This was at 18 weeks. Nothing has ever broken my heart as that did. Even 8 years later, I can remember distinctly the blanket of horrifying sadness knowing what was coming to our sweet, innocent baby. Oh, that is a day I never want to relive. But, you know what? Ben and I learned how incredibly precious life is: everyday, everyone. What a blessing a healthy baby is!
*We learned exactly what we wanted. All of a sudden everything was incredibly clear. Before we lost our baby, I knew I wanted to be a mother. I always wanted to be a mother. I just had a huge idea of what I could do and wanted to do. I wanted to do everything, and Ben wanted me to too. This is very personal and very specific to Ben and I, but the minute I started thinking outside of my grief, I knew all I really wanted, ever, was to be a mother; to raise a family and be by my husband's side forever. All of my professional, educational accomplishments fell to the side at that moment. They truly meant very little compared to the opportunity of being a mother. We knew at that very moment beyond a shadow of a doubt that our singular goal was to have a family and raise them up to the Lord, to do His will. Everything else suddenly became a means to that end.
*We learned personal sadness, embarrassment, shame. It seemed like no one got it right. People were sad for us for a few days (outside of our close family) and that was that. Life for them went on, as it does. For us though, we were the ones the sad thing happened to. Then we became the sad couple that couldn't have babies. Some judged us for being married without kids for so long, others tried their best to explain explain explain. Explain my medical history to everyone and anyone. Explain our devastation and try to make it better. There were so many kind words, some mistaken kindness, and some insensitive things said. There were many, many tears some in public, most in private. Ben learned how to deal with that too... especially on Mothers' day and after baby blessings. And so we learned to deal with feeling bad, being patient with ourselves, our sadness, and others' insensitivity or misunderstanding.
*We learned about patience and timing. I learned that sometimes it just doesn't happen. Even when we were living our best and trying our hardest, it just was not Heavenly Fathers' will for us at that time. We have had to apply this life lesson to so many things that have come since then, but I first learned it, or truly experienced it, here. Tragically miscarrying our first baby and then not being able to get pregnant for 3 years, was difficult. I spent the entire 3 years pleading for the opportunity to be a mother. I worried the whole time that perhaps I never would get that chance. I wondered if I had done something wrong. Was I being punished? Were we not good enough? It sure seemed that way. I looked at everyone else as having the perfect life. In the end, I truly do believe there were life lessons we needed to learn this way, there were places we needed to go, things we needed to do that could not have happened any other way. It was certainly not our plan, but I do not regret this difficult path either, but I won't lie, I'm still sad...
I apologize for this gush. My heart was just so full. I know that my Father in Heaven loves me and our first sweet little baby (and all of us). I know without a doubt that He loves us incredibly, unfailingly, and beyond anything we can imagine. One reason I know that, is because He allowed us the opportunity to struggle. He knew the anguish of our hearts and yet He knew exactly what we needed to gain from that experience. Only a truly loving parent could do that. He knows our hearts all the of the time. He was with us in our darkest times in that hospital room, and every time someone thought unkind things about us and every time I came trudging home so enveloped in sadness after church or wherever we were. He put people and blessings and learning experiences in our lives to lead us to where we are today, to be the parents, the couple, the eternal family we are today. We certainly are not perfect, but I want to say we really are grateful. Grateful for our blessings and grateful for all of our trials. I know someday we will understand. We will know why and it will all be ok.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mothers Day
Mothers Day always brings up such emotion in me. This year is no exception. When looking inward, I still remember the days before I was a "mother" when I so desperately wanted to be a mother. One Mother's Day in particular, I remember coming home from church and just crying and crying. How unfair it feels sometimes when our life isn't working out just the way we thought it should. Thank goodness Heavenly Father gave me this experience, this deep desire (even though at the time it just felt awful and lonely and even a little hopeless). When I was a young(er) single girl, I knew I wanted a family, but never had that same yearning. I mostly thought of it as far in the future when I had accomplished a gillion other things. After my miscarriage and subsequent struggles to bring a baby here, that desire deepened and deepened within me until I wanted that little baby here more than almost anything. Thank Heaven!
After having Ike and now Zachary, I know that there truly is no better calling, commitment, job or joy we can have than being a mother. I know the Lord instituted motherhood and family. I know no task or responsibility will ever be as important as being a mother. I love it, even when I question my ability or the responsibility I've been given, I know THIS is where Heavenly Father wants me right now.
Secondly, I have had a chance today (thanks Ben) to ponder the other women in my life and their examples of motherhood. I look at a dear friend and family member of mine that Heavenly Father called home this year. Let me back up. Last night I was feeling a little down. About lots of things. I was thinking how inadequate I am, how underappreciated I felt and how guilty I felt for feeling underappreciated. All unfounded, I was pretty much just really tired. As I prayed last night, I asked to please be helped in putting my life back into focus. I didn't want to feel that way and I usually don't, but in those quiet, strange moments, it is an awful feeling. Anyway, last night I had a dream about this wonderful mother who we lost this year. I awoke this morning thinking of her, her suffering, and how I could help her family. She was such a selfless mother, even in the end when she was so full of pain and suffering, she never let her son know. She waited until the very end for him to even know she was going to the hospital for treatments while he was at school. She never used her fast moving, life threatening illness as an excuse, she lived for her family and showed ultimate love and sacrifice for them. I love her and am glad to have known her shining example.
I also thought of another family member who just had a new baby. She is young and beautiful and starting a darling little family with her husband. They found out at 20 weeks gestation that their baby had a chromosomal defect that would cause her a very short lived little life once outside the womb. They have shown such faith and courage. She writes of the joy she has felt knowing this little girl inside of her and knowing that our Father in Heaven has a plan for them. They have welcomed this little girl with triumph and such joy as I've never seen. This little angel baby is still going strong and I know that this miracle is possible because of their unwavering faith. I love them and am so grateful to have such a wonderful example of faith, love, and courage.
My third mother this year is not a mother as you might think. She is a young, beautiful, single woman I have known for a decade. She shows my kids so much love and support. She is a wonderful example to them and all the children in her life of loyalty, service and love. She shows care and concern for them and for all of us in a way no one else does:) I think all women are mothers in one way or another and this woman excels at it.
You can see why I sometimes feel inadequate when I know such amazing women all around me, but right now all I feel is true love for each of them and honor in knowing them personally. I love our Father in Heaven. How inspired He is to give us each other to help us and inspire us. Please know today I am thinking of each of you. Thank you for being mothers and helping me to be a little better too.
After having Ike and now Zachary, I know that there truly is no better calling, commitment, job or joy we can have than being a mother. I know the Lord instituted motherhood and family. I know no task or responsibility will ever be as important as being a mother. I love it, even when I question my ability or the responsibility I've been given, I know THIS is where Heavenly Father wants me right now.
Secondly, I have had a chance today (thanks Ben) to ponder the other women in my life and their examples of motherhood. I look at a dear friend and family member of mine that Heavenly Father called home this year. Let me back up. Last night I was feeling a little down. About lots of things. I was thinking how inadequate I am, how underappreciated I felt and how guilty I felt for feeling underappreciated. All unfounded, I was pretty much just really tired. As I prayed last night, I asked to please be helped in putting my life back into focus. I didn't want to feel that way and I usually don't, but in those quiet, strange moments, it is an awful feeling. Anyway, last night I had a dream about this wonderful mother who we lost this year. I awoke this morning thinking of her, her suffering, and how I could help her family. She was such a selfless mother, even in the end when she was so full of pain and suffering, she never let her son know. She waited until the very end for him to even know she was going to the hospital for treatments while he was at school. She never used her fast moving, life threatening illness as an excuse, she lived for her family and showed ultimate love and sacrifice for them. I love her and am glad to have known her shining example.
I also thought of another family member who just had a new baby. She is young and beautiful and starting a darling little family with her husband. They found out at 20 weeks gestation that their baby had a chromosomal defect that would cause her a very short lived little life once outside the womb. They have shown such faith and courage. She writes of the joy she has felt knowing this little girl inside of her and knowing that our Father in Heaven has a plan for them. They have welcomed this little girl with triumph and such joy as I've never seen. This little angel baby is still going strong and I know that this miracle is possible because of their unwavering faith. I love them and am so grateful to have such a wonderful example of faith, love, and courage.
My third mother this year is not a mother as you might think. She is a young, beautiful, single woman I have known for a decade. She shows my kids so much love and support. She is a wonderful example to them and all the children in her life of loyalty, service and love. She shows care and concern for them and for all of us in a way no one else does:) I think all women are mothers in one way or another and this woman excels at it.
You can see why I sometimes feel inadequate when I know such amazing women all around me, but right now all I feel is true love for each of them and honor in knowing them personally. I love our Father in Heaven. How inspired He is to give us each other to help us and inspire us. Please know today I am thinking of each of you. Thank you for being mothers and helping me to be a little better too.
Monday, May 2, 2011
9/11/01 The Day I Grew Up
I want to say I have no "personal attachment" to September 11th. BUT, as an American, don't we ALL have a personal attachment to that day. Lets face it... we ALL know where we were when we heard the news and we ALL spent that night praying, worrying and wondering how our lives would change. I happened to be 19 and in college. As your typical 19 year old, I was in college studying idealistic theories and abstract thoughts. The world was at my feet. I could do and be anything I put my mind to, those were ideals that formed my generation, right? September 11th changed that for me. Osama bin Laden changed my world, just as he did yours. I guess it never really occurred to me until today.
September 12th I looked at the world differently. Grief, death, tragedy, loss, change, and war became a part of my life and everyone around me. I started caring and studying outside of myself and the abstract figures and theories of far away as perhaps never before. I'm not sure any singular day, any event has shaped my world as much as that. I'm not saying from that time on, I never had a juvenile thought or action, but as of September 11, 2001, I knew and appreciated so much more than ever before. And, I knew how blessed I was (and am) to be an American and exactly what that meant. God Bless America.
September 12th I looked at the world differently. Grief, death, tragedy, loss, change, and war became a part of my life and everyone around me. I started caring and studying outside of myself and the abstract figures and theories of far away as perhaps never before. I'm not sure any singular day, any event has shaped my world as much as that. I'm not saying from that time on, I never had a juvenile thought or action, but as of September 11, 2001, I knew and appreciated so much more than ever before. And, I knew how blessed I was (and am) to be an American and exactly what that meant. God Bless America.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Something Stuck...
Wow! Can we say slacker??? I guess I owe it all to Zach... busier during the day and sleepier at night. I'm not complaining at all!
Anyway, I will get to the point before I forget to.... The other night we had an FHE devotional with a bunch of dental students (have I mentioned how much I love Ben's school?) Anyway, the doctor (and his wife) that did the lesson is over Ben's dental lab. He and his lovely wife said a lot of really amazing things that I have been thinking about, but one thing has stuck with me all week and probably will for a long time in the future. He quoted Sheri Dew from one of her books. She had asked a general authority how they could tell how close someone was to the Lord. She thought their answer would be textbook like by how much they read their scriptures, etc. Anyway, the general authority said that he could tell how close someone was to the Lord BY HOW THEY TREATED OTHERS. Profound. I have been thinking about this all week. I totally get it. Its not how much we know or how much people know about us. It's not how good we sing or if our kids know all the answers... What really matters is how we treat each other. What a novel idea, huh!
Looking back through the years and thinking about the most spiritual people I have come into contact with, including general authorities, it is easy to see that people close to the Lord do not care about status or anything worldly about that person. They are far more interested in the individual and recognize them as our brothers and sisters and our Heavenly Fathers children. I'm going to try a little harder to do that too. Sometimes I forget. Especially in a long line with grouchy retired people;)
This experience from Sheri Dew reminded me of President Uchtdorf's talk: I hope you will take a couple minutes to read it. It has truly changed me. Here is one of his promises: "As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit."
I don't know that anyone actually reads this blog, but if you do.... I want you to know that I love you and the Lord loves you. He is aware of who you are and what you are going through. He wants to help you and He will, if you will let Him in:) I really am happier and a more receptive person when I am able to serve and show this Christlike love.
Anyway, I will get to the point before I forget to.... The other night we had an FHE devotional with a bunch of dental students (have I mentioned how much I love Ben's school?) Anyway, the doctor (and his wife) that did the lesson is over Ben's dental lab. He and his lovely wife said a lot of really amazing things that I have been thinking about, but one thing has stuck with me all week and probably will for a long time in the future. He quoted Sheri Dew from one of her books. She had asked a general authority how they could tell how close someone was to the Lord. She thought their answer would be textbook like by how much they read their scriptures, etc. Anyway, the general authority said that he could tell how close someone was to the Lord BY HOW THEY TREATED OTHERS. Profound. I have been thinking about this all week. I totally get it. Its not how much we know or how much people know about us. It's not how good we sing or if our kids know all the answers... What really matters is how we treat each other. What a novel idea, huh!
Looking back through the years and thinking about the most spiritual people I have come into contact with, including general authorities, it is easy to see that people close to the Lord do not care about status or anything worldly about that person. They are far more interested in the individual and recognize them as our brothers and sisters and our Heavenly Fathers children. I'm going to try a little harder to do that too. Sometimes I forget. Especially in a long line with grouchy retired people;)
This experience from Sheri Dew reminded me of President Uchtdorf's talk: I hope you will take a couple minutes to read it. It has truly changed me. Here is one of his promises: "As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit."
I don't know that anyone actually reads this blog, but if you do.... I want you to know that I love you and the Lord loves you. He is aware of who you are and what you are going through. He wants to help you and He will, if you will let Him in:) I really am happier and a more receptive person when I am able to serve and show this Christlike love.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
I'll Be Happy When...
I, like I'm sure most of you, have uttered these shameless four words... I will be happy when... I will be happy when we finally get into school... when I can finally stay home with my boys... when I have this baby... when my baby sleeps through the night... when I lose five pounds... when we are done with school... when the weekend comes... when my house is clean... when I move to a bigger house... when I can afford__... and the list goes on. I think I have uttered this phrase too often to lately. In fact, it tends to sneak up on me and make me feel not so great about myself. Well, my thick skull just may be getting somewhere now... I am going to make a conscious effort to be happy now. today. tomorrow. everyday from now on. and yesterday too!
I guess it's not that I'm particularly unhappy now. It's more that I'm always looking forward to the future and not really savoring Right Now like I should. After all, I am 27 years old. This is my prime. When did I forget that? When is there ever going to be a better time than today or tomorrow or everyday after that?
The one exception to my lack of savoring is with my boys. I want to hit the pause button on the remote control with them ALL THE TIME and just take in what has happened, whether it be hilarious (like when Ike was pretending he was a real estate agent showing me around his room to see if I would buy it, even though he pretended he had just "created" the mocha paint on the wall... or when I peek around the corner to see Ike making Zach laugh hysterically)... or when I realize that I just got upset with little boy for doing something he shouldn't... like throwing an apple across the room where it SPLATTED on the tile floor. I love and cherish these moments like you wouldn't believe.
It is the rest of life that I find myself trying to move forward and look beyond. This, my friends, is not good. I guess I'm writing this post more to remind myself in the coming days and months, and even years, that I am going to be happy right now for this minute. I will be happy with who I am not who I will be when I have more time, or more money or more ambition. I think I'm, like you, constantly pushing myself to be more and that's ok. BUT, it's not ok to hold off on life until you are that person. It's always easier to see in other people, so let me use an outside example... I have a friend who just moved to a new town (this really isn't me... it just sounds similar:) really. My friend just moved into their first house (a great accomplishment) and she wants to make new friends. She has thought many times about inviting people over for a dinner party, but told me the other day... "I will do a get together, but right now I'm too embarrassed by our front door, so I'll wait 'til we paint it or get a new one, then I'll meet people and be happier here." Who are we kidding? Since when do our friends or future friends judge us by standards like a front door, or 5 extra pounds, or how tender our pot roast is or how well our furniture matches? What kind of friends would those be anyway? Today is the day to start off being happy and living my life (and you yours:) for who you are... accomplishing what YOU want and what you are INSPIRED to do... not because life is perfect and you finally have the time and energy or right color of front door, but because it is what you were meant to do and NO ONE can take your place.
I hope this makes a teeny bit of sense. I guess what I'm getting at is this. I'm going to be happy. Even if I'm not as buff as I'd like to be right now or even if the feng shui in my house does not flow as perfectly as I'd like or my hair does not have the body that it did last week. I'm going to try my best to look past all of my imperfections and BE HAPPY that this is my life. I sure don't want it to pass me by because you know what? It's pretty good:)
Is anyone else feeling me?
I guess it's not that I'm particularly unhappy now. It's more that I'm always looking forward to the future and not really savoring Right Now like I should. After all, I am 27 years old. This is my prime. When did I forget that? When is there ever going to be a better time than today or tomorrow or everyday after that?
The one exception to my lack of savoring is with my boys. I want to hit the pause button on the remote control with them ALL THE TIME and just take in what has happened, whether it be hilarious (like when Ike was pretending he was a real estate agent showing me around his room to see if I would buy it, even though he pretended he had just "created" the mocha paint on the wall... or when I peek around the corner to see Ike making Zach laugh hysterically)... or when I realize that I just got upset with little boy for doing something he shouldn't... like throwing an apple across the room where it SPLATTED on the tile floor. I love and cherish these moments like you wouldn't believe.
It is the rest of life that I find myself trying to move forward and look beyond. This, my friends, is not good. I guess I'm writing this post more to remind myself in the coming days and months, and even years, that I am going to be happy right now for this minute. I will be happy with who I am not who I will be when I have more time, or more money or more ambition. I think I'm, like you, constantly pushing myself to be more and that's ok. BUT, it's not ok to hold off on life until you are that person. It's always easier to see in other people, so let me use an outside example... I have a friend who just moved to a new town (this really isn't me... it just sounds similar:) really. My friend just moved into their first house (a great accomplishment) and she wants to make new friends. She has thought many times about inviting people over for a dinner party, but told me the other day... "I will do a get together, but right now I'm too embarrassed by our front door, so I'll wait 'til we paint it or get a new one, then I'll meet people and be happier here." Who are we kidding? Since when do our friends or future friends judge us by standards like a front door, or 5 extra pounds, or how tender our pot roast is or how well our furniture matches? What kind of friends would those be anyway? Today is the day to start off being happy and living my life (and you yours:) for who you are... accomplishing what YOU want and what you are INSPIRED to do... not because life is perfect and you finally have the time and energy or right color of front door, but because it is what you were meant to do and NO ONE can take your place.
I hope this makes a teeny bit of sense. I guess what I'm getting at is this. I'm going to be happy. Even if I'm not as buff as I'd like to be right now or even if the feng shui in my house does not flow as perfectly as I'd like or my hair does not have the body that it did last week. I'm going to try my best to look past all of my imperfections and BE HAPPY that this is my life. I sure don't want it to pass me by because you know what? It's pretty good:)
Is anyone else feeling me?
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thankful
I know this is a little belated, but here I sit a few days past Thanksgiving with a sleepless night (thanks Zach) and so my little mind is filling fast... I do want to make a list of the things I have to be thankful for this year... Our little family has been blessed beyond measure this year (and every year), so I feel like I should acknowledge that. I know that absolutely none of these things just randomly happened. We have divine guidance, help and blessings from our Father in Heaven. I know that He is intimately involved in each of our lives, whether we recognize it or not, so I'd like to recognize it... With that, in no particular order...
I am thankful for that knowledge that I have a loving Father in Heaven who knows me, knows each of us, better than we know ourselves. He loves us beyond measure and has given me everything... my life, my family, my talents, my less than perfectness, and He loves me anyway!
I am thankful for Jesus Christ who personally suffered all the pain, sorrow, disappointment, hurt and sin that we will ever go through. He knows us too and has made it possible for me to overcome all these things and become better through him.
I am thankful for the 27 years of my life. In this time I have made so many stupid choices, peppered with a few good ones... I am grateful for the divine guidance to make those good ones! I am grateful that in those 27 years, I have had the opportunity to pray and study the scriptures to know for myself about the gospel. It really is the core of everything good in my life.
I am thankful for an amazing husband who adores me (and I him). We have had over 6 years of marriage now and are more in love with each dish washed and diaper changed;) Seriously. I don't know how I tricked him into thinking I was good enough for him, but here we are and I'm so grateful I can spend eternity with him!
I am thankful for two amazing little boys. Zach and Ike are just everything:) They can bring life and smiles to anything. They are two of the happiest little ones I have ever seen and I truly adore them. They amaze me everyday with the things they do. Isaac is so perceptive and caring. We are just enamored with him. Little Zachy has been 6 months of pure joy for our little family. He babbles now and laughs. He blows bubbles and gurgles. He rolls over and over and knows how to make a funny discomfort sound so Ike will quit bugging him. Thinking about the valiant little ones that are sent to this earth at this time for the special things that are going on now just amazes me. I know the gifts they must possess and think about the challenges they will face... I am just so grateful to get the opportunity to be their mother... or mudder, as Ike calls me:)
I am thankful for our families. They are so giving and so easily caring. Each of them have such special talents and gifts to share. I am so grateful to be a family and so look forward to being together again!
I am thankful for the opportunity to be in Phoenix. Who would've thought 5 years ago that Ben and I would be in Dental School in Phoenix! WHAT?!?! I KNOW this is where the Lord wants us and it's WHEN he wants us here too. Timing is everything and we are just so grateful to have the opportunity to be in school right now in a great program and to be thriving, even if some of our houseplants aren't:(
I am thankful for my ancestors. I don't know much about them, but what I do know is that they brought their families to America, a gutsy move, I'm sure. They were mostly farmers and religious. Thank you for passing that along the generations. I hope they are proud.
I am thankful for all of our friends. You are like family to us. We love you and really do cherish all the joy, insight and life you bring to us. Thank you:)
I am thankful for this Christmas season. It so doesn't feel like Christmas here! BUT, I love the spirit of the season... people are nicer. I am nicer. I love thinking of "the perfect gift" to give and love even more the extra service that goes on during the holidays. I won't disclose too much, but we really love secretly giving. Oh, how it warms my heart!
I am thankful for modern medicine and insurance. I know insurance is not perfect, and neither is medicine... but, I love that there is a cure or treatment for almost everything out there.
I am thankful for those who serve us. I have never been so aware of how blessed we are to live in a free country away from most every harm. Thank you to all the men and women who protect our freedom everyday. Really, thank you. We would have nothing without your noble sacrifice.
I am thankful for computers, internet, phone... all the ways we stay in touch. I love that even though we live far away, we are never "too far" for a phone call... or a blog update:)
I am thankful for modern travel.
I am thankful for dishwashers. Really thankful.
I am thankful for a house. Yep, this year we moved into a house. I never knew all the conveniences this would afford us, but there is definitely something to be said for a yard, a garage, and not having any attached neighbors:)
I am thankful for so much more, but you get the idea... I guess I should be journaling this too... I'll get to that (wink). Anyway, thanks for bearing with me:) So what are you most thankful for?
I am thankful for that knowledge that I have a loving Father in Heaven who knows me, knows each of us, better than we know ourselves. He loves us beyond measure and has given me everything... my life, my family, my talents, my less than perfectness, and He loves me anyway!
I am thankful for Jesus Christ who personally suffered all the pain, sorrow, disappointment, hurt and sin that we will ever go through. He knows us too and has made it possible for me to overcome all these things and become better through him.
I am thankful for the 27 years of my life. In this time I have made so many stupid choices, peppered with a few good ones... I am grateful for the divine guidance to make those good ones! I am grateful that in those 27 years, I have had the opportunity to pray and study the scriptures to know for myself about the gospel. It really is the core of everything good in my life.
I am thankful for an amazing husband who adores me (and I him). We have had over 6 years of marriage now and are more in love with each dish washed and diaper changed;) Seriously. I don't know how I tricked him into thinking I was good enough for him, but here we are and I'm so grateful I can spend eternity with him!
I am thankful for two amazing little boys. Zach and Ike are just everything:) They can bring life and smiles to anything. They are two of the happiest little ones I have ever seen and I truly adore them. They amaze me everyday with the things they do. Isaac is so perceptive and caring. We are just enamored with him. Little Zachy has been 6 months of pure joy for our little family. He babbles now and laughs. He blows bubbles and gurgles. He rolls over and over and knows how to make a funny discomfort sound so Ike will quit bugging him. Thinking about the valiant little ones that are sent to this earth at this time for the special things that are going on now just amazes me. I know the gifts they must possess and think about the challenges they will face... I am just so grateful to get the opportunity to be their mother... or mudder, as Ike calls me:)
I am thankful for our families. They are so giving and so easily caring. Each of them have such special talents and gifts to share. I am so grateful to be a family and so look forward to being together again!
I am thankful for the opportunity to be in Phoenix. Who would've thought 5 years ago that Ben and I would be in Dental School in Phoenix! WHAT?!?! I KNOW this is where the Lord wants us and it's WHEN he wants us here too. Timing is everything and we are just so grateful to have the opportunity to be in school right now in a great program and to be thriving, even if some of our houseplants aren't:(
I am thankful for my ancestors. I don't know much about them, but what I do know is that they brought their families to America, a gutsy move, I'm sure. They were mostly farmers and religious. Thank you for passing that along the generations. I hope they are proud.
I am thankful for all of our friends. You are like family to us. We love you and really do cherish all the joy, insight and life you bring to us. Thank you:)
I am thankful for this Christmas season. It so doesn't feel like Christmas here! BUT, I love the spirit of the season... people are nicer. I am nicer. I love thinking of "the perfect gift" to give and love even more the extra service that goes on during the holidays. I won't disclose too much, but we really love secretly giving. Oh, how it warms my heart!
I am thankful for modern medicine and insurance. I know insurance is not perfect, and neither is medicine... but, I love that there is a cure or treatment for almost everything out there.
I am thankful for those who serve us. I have never been so aware of how blessed we are to live in a free country away from most every harm. Thank you to all the men and women who protect our freedom everyday. Really, thank you. We would have nothing without your noble sacrifice.
I am thankful for computers, internet, phone... all the ways we stay in touch. I love that even though we live far away, we are never "too far" for a phone call... or a blog update:)
I am thankful for modern travel.
I am thankful for dishwashers. Really thankful.
I am thankful for a house. Yep, this year we moved into a house. I never knew all the conveniences this would afford us, but there is definitely something to be said for a yard, a garage, and not having any attached neighbors:)
I am thankful for so much more, but you get the idea... I guess I should be journaling this too... I'll get to that (wink). Anyway, thanks for bearing with me:) So what are you most thankful for?
Sunday, November 8, 2009
As long as we're talking candy...
So, I read on my friend's blog about her favorite candies... makes sense... there's sure a lot of it around our post-halloween infested house! I have a few thoughts about this candy business...
1. I now understand why parents are so plagued by their kids getting too much halloween candy... first, I don't want to eat it all. I'm working hard to not touch it
2. It is constantly on our minds. I feel bad having to ration it for the family, but lets face it... none of us need that sort of sugar intake!
3. We can't even GIVE it away! I've tried, but it seems everyone has this problem of too much candy. Strange times we live in:)
4. I have heard of a couple solutions... my favorite is a dentist in Laramie, one of our good friends, offered to buy candy from the kids (up to five lbs. worth) and is then packaging it and sending it to the troops in Iraq. That is a great idea! I wish we could've donated ours:)
5. My favorite candy is the kind that is out of my house! I like chocolate, but if I'm choosing a sinful sweet, it is hands down cookies. Keep your yucky candy:) The boys in my house love anything sweet though.
6. Why is it that sugar products have to be so bad for you? I think just looking at them makes me gain weight... too bad.
Anyway, enough candy ranting... If any of you have a great idea on a way to dispose of this candy without actually disposing of it, let me know! I'm open to suggestion!
1. I now understand why parents are so plagued by their kids getting too much halloween candy... first, I don't want to eat it all. I'm working hard to not touch it
2. It is constantly on our minds. I feel bad having to ration it for the family, but lets face it... none of us need that sort of sugar intake!
3. We can't even GIVE it away! I've tried, but it seems everyone has this problem of too much candy. Strange times we live in:)
4. I have heard of a couple solutions... my favorite is a dentist in Laramie, one of our good friends, offered to buy candy from the kids (up to five lbs. worth) and is then packaging it and sending it to the troops in Iraq. That is a great idea! I wish we could've donated ours:)
5. My favorite candy is the kind that is out of my house! I like chocolate, but if I'm choosing a sinful sweet, it is hands down cookies. Keep your yucky candy:) The boys in my house love anything sweet though.
6. Why is it that sugar products have to be so bad for you? I think just looking at them makes me gain weight... too bad.
Anyway, enough candy ranting... If any of you have a great idea on a way to dispose of this candy without actually disposing of it, let me know! I'm open to suggestion!
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